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alisha1687
03 November 2005 @ 06:55 pm
whoa now  


MAN!! its been so freakin long, i dont evenknow where to begin. I have trouble updating this thingy, seeing is im never home. im going to try harder though...

this has been one long week. i feel like its never ending, but today is thursday, and i dont have class tomorrow, which is good. Ive just had so much to do lately that i havent had time for any of this. it makes me wish that i had my own computer, because when i want to update, its really late and everyone in my house is asleep so i cant exactly go sit in the family room and type.

but anyways

krista moved back home, wayyyy long story.
her and eric broke up after some really bad fights. so much has happened with that, its crazy. but shes home, and its wierd, like old times i guess. to me, its both a good thing, and a bad thing, depending on which way you look at it i guess. i just want her to get better and get a job. thats what she needs. i mean, its hard because i want to be there for her, but at the same time, i cannot listen to the same things over and over agian. so i get stuck, and dont know what to do. basically, it depends on my mood and how patient i can be.

last night i stayed home and we made dinner together... chicken escarole...mm... so gooood. we were going to put her room back together, but we didnt .

lets see...

i went to buffalo a couple of weekends ago, with heidi to visit my lovely ashley. it was really fun. i had a blast. that deffiently has to happen again. i think shes coming home in 2 weeks, so i get to see her then.

work is the same, just work. ashley c. hasnt been there in a mad long time, thats only because she went nuts though.. but thats all im going to say about that one... psyco.

zack, heidi, bob and i went on the haunted hayride last weekend, out in williamson. i drove, which is always fun. i had a good time, i got really scared when the clowns came out and chased us. and those crazy hicks were cool too.

im having trouble registering for my classes next semester because of my financial aid. everything is getting messed up and its making me so mad because i already planned out my scheduale and now i have to wait until everything goes through and hope that i can still get the classes that i want.

tomorrow = 6 months
i cannot believe it. like whoa. its wierd. it doesnt feel like ive been with zack that long. but we have been through alot together, so it kinda makes sence. we are going to go to dinner and see a movie. yay. i got zack a cool present, and im also in the process of creating one too.

Zacks at work right now... subway in the mall. im glad that he has a job, just for his sake, so he can feel like hes doing the right thing. he always feels likehes going nowhere and that hes a bum, so im glad it makes him feel important. because i love him.

what else is new?!?!?

um... my car is doing better, i was having trouble with some things. stupid guy that sold it to me forgot to do some minor things which cause problems, but at least they were minor. stupid foreigners. haha thats mean.

oh well

k im outies, i have some other things to do


I LOVE YOU BABY. CANT WAIT TIL TOMORROW!!


x0x0
alisha




you make me feel so awesome
(even when im in my blah moods and you drive me crazy)

:P
 
 
I'm feelin': kinda sleepy
Rockin' to: trapt
 
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alisha1687
02 October 2005 @ 11:38 am
zacks birthday  


the other day was zacks 18th birthday. it was really fun. we all went to arigato's steak house. that place is crazy!!

idk

i bought him a hoodie and a shirt, baloons, and made him a picture frame. yay

and i gave hima duck


k bye
xoxo
al
 
 
I'm feelin': sleepy
Rockin' to: fall out boy
 
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alisha1687
24 September 2005 @ 12:22 pm
bad vibes  

i havent really updated in a while, so here goes.

the other day was Robs birthday, and we all went to dinner. it was really nice, and fun. zack got all dressed up and he looked so cute :)

ive been working alot, as usual, and all of that junk.

last night i hung out with zack, heidi, and the mikes. we went to the park and threw fire works at eachother. it was funny. then some random kid rode up on his bike and he had aluminum foil on his bike wheels, to make it look as though they were rims. how ghetto.

chris called me and wanted me to go to the bowling alley, so we all went. chris was there with tim, two of tims friends, kieth and kieths gf, amanda. it was kinda wierd because on the phone, chris wanted me to come real bad, and when i got there, i didnt really talk to him much. but the wierdest part of the night was that laura was there... the same laura that zack was with.

so i guess it made it akward for both of us because chris and laura were both there. oh well.

we ended up leaving and i went home.

today zack and i are going to go to dinner at the outback, and i think we might go see that movie cry wolf, but idk yet.

ok im outies
mucho to do before i go to zacks

oh and btw

mike is a vacuum sales man

hah


x0x0
al
 
 
I'm feelin': yay
Rockin' to: hawthorn heights
 
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alisha1687
17 September 2005 @ 11:07 am
cRaZy  


first and formost, IM SORRY

i didnt mean to take things the wrong way, or to overreact. it just really hurt to hear you say those things. it felt as though you didnt want to see me as much anymore, when i try to spend every free minute with you. you are my world, my everything, and i didnt understand why u wouldnt always want to see me. but as the night went on, i realized what u ment. its not that u want to see me less, its that u cannot forget about your friends too. and i totalyy understand that. ive just been going through so much, and all i wanted to do was see you, and u made me feel like you didnt want to see me.

but things are ok now, and i love you because you are my everything.

from now on, i'll just not assume that we are always going to hang out and stuff.

its ok though,

i mean, its not ur fault that i would rather spend every waking hour with you...


i'll be just fine, pretending im not





its going to be real hard, because i love you
maybe even more than you love me
 
 
I'm feelin': crappy
Rockin' to: my ears are ringing
 
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alisha1687
15 September 2005 @ 02:00 pm
schools out for the weekend  


im done with school for the week
yay for me


its has been such a long freakin week
its hard to manage school, work, and zack

but i know my priorities, zack comes first...lol

so

i failed my first psychology test. 10/20... go me
i can retake it, i was going to stay after today and do it, but then i didnt. its ok though because i can take it on monday, and i that way i have more time to study.

i drove mellissa home after english. it was kinda cool, for the fact that she is timmys older sister, and that we have english class together.

but yeah

i got my paycheck today.... can u guess how much?!?!?

$248.63

hell yeah

that money is going to help me out because i owe so much for that stupid car. and i get my scholarship check soon. o snap.

zack gets out of work soon, and then i am going to make him dinner, nothing fancy but im a little excired. i still have to go to wegmans and get the supplies and stuff, but thats ok

i kinda wanna drive out to my grandmas house, i need to give her some money anyways, so i might go, but idk yet

OMG

i almost forgot, but not really

mrs. cooper died yesterday
im sad
she was so nice, its just wierd that shes gone. her funeral is saturday, and i want to go. the wake is friday night.... idk i need to see if we are going or not. so that means i have to go to wegmans and talk to them about it. joy

ashley just called
she needed to borrow a wegmans shirt because she doesnt have any
im giving her the blue one because i dont like it...lol...
i think shes coming over for a little while



oh yea
so next weekend i was supposed to go to buffalo to visit the prancer, but my mom will not let me drive there
so i guess im not going, but i have saturday off anyways, so im going to spend it with my lover


idk

im out tho
peace yall


x0x0
al



I know that sometimes I don’t make much sense
and that sometimes I might say things I don’t mean
but I have never missed someone so much
and I have never completely lost myself in someone’s eyes
before I met you.
and now that I have,
the only thing I want right now
is to be with no one but you.
ifreakingloveyou
 
 
I'm feelin': yay for making dinner
Rockin' to: finch-letters to you
 
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alisha1687
12 September 2005 @ 01:23 pm
im a college kid now  


im tired

school kinds sucked
i have a headache
and i have to work in a few
ive been working like crazy
thats why i havent updated in awhile
for instance, i worked ~27 hours this weekend
yeah
and i go to school.
go me
but i owe like $600 by the end of the month
no good

zack got a new job! hes there right now. i miss him like whoa!!i have alot of hw to do.

..idk...


this one just kinda goes out to you because i miss you and love you with all of my heart!

I LOVE YOU! you mean the world to me.




peace
x0x0
al




every second im without you im a mess
i think of you and i get butterflies in my stomach
 
 
I'm feelin': headaches and school sucks
Rockin' to: the used- in your eyes
 
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alisha1687
28 August 2005 @ 11:04 am
when they say that they will help, let them  


Yesterday was an intersting and fun day. I had to work 10:30-7, which was pretty sucky. I worked in bakery in the morning. At around 1ish, i called latta road for some dough, because we were out of stock. thay said they had it in, so i went to go pick it up. On the way there, i stopped and woke zack up to say good morning because he never answered his phone, even after i called 8 times!!

i got to latta rd and i guess there was some kind of miss communication because they didnt have any dough either, so i went back to work. It was nice because it took me like 45 inutes or so, and i was paid to do that.

I took a lunch with heidi, which is always fun, and then went to produce. Me and heidi were just so crazy and goofy. It was fun. later int he night we had to switch the displays around on the floor, so i decided to help. i moved the grape display, but i had to get the extention cord out of the ceiling. Noone would help me or ash, so we decided to do it ourselves. I stook on this crate thingy and started to pull the wire down. Shawn came over and said he would help, but ash and i were like uh no, we've got this. I pulled really hard, and the cord came flying out. attached to the end was this really heavy box that u plug other cords into, well, that hit me on the top of my head!!

it freakin hurt real bad.

i went to go get ice at the pop machine, but instead of hitting the ice button, i hit the pop, and got that all over my arm. ash got me some ice from seafood and i just sat in the back room until about 6:30, and then went home.

It was really kinda funny, but it hurt real bad. it still kinda hurts.

i got ready, went to zacks, hung out there, went for a drive, and then we went to our first movie alone together. we saw four brothers. it was a good movie, i reccomend it. i wasnt in the best of moods after getting hurt, so i guess it could have been funner. but i did have a good time though.

I dropped zack off, and i just didnt want to let him go. i cant explain the feeling that i had, but i just kept trying to stall so he didnt have to go.

AHH

hes so freakin cute, i freakin love his tummy.

ok enough of that.


i slept in today for the first time in a while. it was nice!!

im going to go eat some cake!!




i love you like a fat kid loves cake!


peace

x0x0
al
 
 
I'm feelin': i slept in!!
Rockin' to: my dads watching tv in the other room
 
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alisha1687
27 August 2005 @ 09:20 am
(no subject)  


its been a while


hmm... whats happened?

ahhh... i got my car. its freakin awesome. i love it. i've driven all over the place...

umm... monday, i think, yeah monday, i had off from work. I went to the store and bought a sub, packed a picinic lunch for zack, picked him up and went to turning point. We walked down toour dock, but there were people fishing on it, so we ended up eating lunch on the main docks. I think i surprised him with that.

After lunch I took him to Irondiquot(sp?) to feed the ducks. after that we walked down this really cool pier. It was so freakin awesome. the water was so clear and the waves were splashing on the rocks. It was beautiful.

we ended up back at his house, and later we picked up ashley and chilled.

tuesday i worked... joy.

wednesday was mine and ashleys day. I had to go to school in the morning, so we did that first. I kinda got lost in the city, and swore a crap load of times. The drive itself was really funny because the whole time we were naming things that ashley had never done until this summer. it was just really fun.

I brought her to turning point, and gave her the awesomely amazing collage that i made her. she really likes it. yay. we chilled on the docks for a little while, just talking about all sorts of stuff. after that, i brought her to feed the ducks, and we walked the pier. there were less people this time, so we ended up going out and sitting on the rocks. freakin cool man.

we went to zacks afterward, and the rest of the night we chilled. at some point in the night we
*went to russel station and where zack told a lady he was a satanist
*went to turning point again, and blew off a shit load of fireworks
*met up with kieth and went to get icecream out in spencerport
*i ran over heidis huncap
*attempted to drive through the city, but went in circles because kieth sucks with directions

at the end of the night, ash and i drove around and sang some songs, one last time. it was really sad. i freakin miss my partner in crime already.

thursday i worked all day, and after work i went to zacks. We ended up at badggerow park, and we hung out there for a while, talking and lighting fireworks.

yesterday i worked all day once again, but then heidi and i went to spot coffee and hung out for a bit. it reminded me of the old times when we used to go get coffee and talk. it was nice. we picked zack up form work, went to mcD's, got yelled at by a cop, shot off somemore fireworks, and went home.

i just realized that the last couple of days have been filled with turning point, work, and fireworks.


i start school soon. and it sucks. this has been the best summer ever. thanks to all my peeps, my new gang.


gotta go to work

peace


x0x0
al
 
 
I'm feelin': not enough sleep
Rockin' to: chronic future
 
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alisha1687
17 August 2005 @ 04:24 pm
headacheeee  


Ive got a headache ... and it sucks

anywaysss

i was just thinking about the other night... me and ashley went to zacks,... it was so much fun...

we ended up getting our drinks that we bought the other night out of zacks bros car, and went to basil and drank at some bridge. before we went to the bridge, we were in the woods and a deer went running. it scurred the shit out of me. it was kinda funny tho, me and ashley were drinking at 7 oclock, kinda early. I really liked the bridge thingy. it was cool. zack kept lighting fire works off and it made such a huge loud echoing noise. and i learned how to prperly spit.

hey mom... look what zack taught me!

we ended up back at zacks, hung out there with some people, including chuck and mike. Heidi came over, and we went to taco bell!!

I want taco bell

anywaysss

we ate taco bell at some ghetto table, and then cart raced. i was scurred. then i went home. the end.


yesterday i worked 12-4, then just kinda bummed around the house. I got my hurr cut, it looks good. Ashley got hers cut too, i freakin love it. it looks so good on her. all of the buffalo boys are gunna love her. im jealous, well, mad. she cant go, my partner in crime :(

any who

me and her walked to weggies, i picked up my pictures and got some ice cream. we just talked and walked. I took pictures of the stop sign because it was still on the side of the road. lol


today i was at MCC all day long. i met up with Brooke Zaidel. that was great. i was so freakin happy that i knew somone.


i registered for my classes, got my ID, and parking pass. now i have to find out whats going on with financial aid, and i need my books. next time i go though, i can drive myself because i get my car tomorrow!!

i cant wait.

ok im done

im tired and im going to my banana's house soon because i love himmm!


peace
x0x0
al
 
 
I'm feelin': my head hurts
Rockin' to: finch- the new stuff
 
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alisha1687
16 August 2005 @ 04:20 pm
(no subject)  


I just got out of work


fun shit mannn

so last weekend I went camping with Zack, Krista, and Eric. It was funn, well, kinda. The first night we were there, krista was in such a bitchy mood.

To make a long story short, she thought me and zack were messing around, but we werent. she ended up telling my mom, and my mom buged out on me. Before i talked to her though, i went on the boat and swam. its really nice there. oh well

i got home and she didnt really yell about it, so i kinda got worked up over nothing.

o0o0o guess what?!?! I got a freakin car

yay

its a 1998 ford escort zx2 sport, black, spoiler, power windows and locks.

im freakin excited


idk

im kinda tired and dont feel like typing anymore so im outties


i kinda wanna sleep in the tent tonight... eh.. i have to go to mcc tomorrow morning so maybe not...



peace
x0x0
al
 
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alisha1687
09 August 2005 @ 09:42 am
my bananaaaaaa  

Ive had an interesting past couple of days so here goes...

Sunday: Ashley had her grad party. I had to go to work @ 7-12, which sucked mega balls. I made it through the shift, came home, ate some food, showered and got ready. Zack got a ride to my house, and waited til i was ready to go. Maria him and I drove to her party. Krista and Eric came a little while after us. Maria, Krista and I had on matching black tank tops...it was kinda funny. Overall, the party was fun. It was laid back, people were just hanging out and talking. My gangSTA Keith showed up, which was great. That boy is so freakin funny!

Me and Zack left around 4:30ish i think... and we came back to my house. We just hung around, walked to super cuts, which was closed, tried to watch some old episodes of Ren and Stimpy, and I fell asleep on Zack.

My mom made dinner, which was goooood. She made some eggplant stuff and it freaked Zack out real bad. It was so freakin funny.

After dinner, Zack, Ashley and I ended up walking to Wegmans to visit Heidi. We talked to her for a little bit, until Chris and Quentin walked in the door. I froze, like i couldnt move. Quentin walked in with this 'im mister big shot' look on his face, and chris walked in after him. Chris looked over at me, and then at Zack, and back over at me again. Thats when i started to walk away. Zack realized who they were, and started to walk over to them. I treid to hold him back, but then ashley grabbed him, and we made it out without anything happening.

So, we were on our way home, walking down English, and they drove by us, and started talking crap. we flicked them off, they drove away, just to come back again. Sometime during it all, Zack found a stop sign lying on the ground, still attached to the pole. He grabbed it and started running toward the car. I made him put it down tho.

Looking back on it, it was so freakin funny. Zack was running after a car with a stop sign attached to a pole.

We made it home, and we were going to sleep in the tent, but then didnt. I talked with Keith and Sunday about what had happened. In the end, we ended up at Zacks with a crap load of people. There was just so much caois and confusion, and i was getting all aggrivated.

And all of a sudden


The PUERTO RICAN was back. Everything seemed ok once i saw him walking up the driveway. I guess its because before he left for puero rico, everything was awesome, and then all the crap happened. So it was a reminder of the days that i missed.

but yeah... it ended up being me, zack, ashley, xavi, heidi, keith, and sunday hanging out in zacks basement. ASh and i had to be home early, so we crammed in the oldsmolac and went home.

overall, it was a fun day turned hectic, and back fun again. I liked it.

Yesterday I had to get up early to take my placement exam at MCC. My dad brought me to the city campus, because thats where i have to go. It took the text, and signed up for registration. I had to wait for my dad to pick me up, so i stood on the corner of main street and n. clinton for like 30 minutes. that was fun. I talked to ash and zack on the phone, because i didnt just want to stand there, i wanted to look busy.

After that, i eneded up at ashleys, and we went to zacks. we hung out there, then went to the mall. I found alot of cute things, but i wasnt in the mood to find my size and all of that crap. I did buy Cologne for zack because it smelled so freakin good.

Zack got his hair cut really short. It looks so good. he looks so freakin cute...my banana

after the mall, we went back to zacks. He set off like 8 million fire cracker thingyssss. Heidi came over, and we had to go back to the mall because she accidentally left her call phone on the hood of her car, drove away, and it got ran over. We stopped in the mall real quick, went to taco bell so i could eat, and ended up back at zacks. I had a really bad headache, and ended up taking 8 freakin pills to make it go away.

We somehow moved from zacks house to chucks house. And then from chucks house to some kids house on the beach. that was fun!!!

he had a trampoline. Zack and I laid on it together and looked at the stars. we found our star. It was cute.

There was a bonfire, and some kid decided to throw gas into it. Well stupid him. Somehow he managed to get it on himself, and he caught on fire.

I looked over and there was a kid running, on fire. He stopped, dropped, and rolled, just like we were taught in school. ;)

mmmm.... banana.....

We chilled there for a bit, then heidi brought us home. Nowaki, Zack, and Xavi came for the ride. The whole time i kept tellin Xavi to just kiss ashley, and finally he did!!

she got to make out with the puerto rican papi!!

i was so happy for her.

We ended up in the tent, just laughing, talking and eating chips. i passed out, woke up, showered and here i am.


I have to go get foooood, call my banana, and go to work soon. peace out homies.


x0x0
al






i love you my banana
 
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alisha1687
06 August 2005 @ 10:16 am
fun night  


yesterday was a better day than i had thought it was going to be. I guess it was good because of the fact that me and zack are oookkkaaayyy now!! yay!! Im so freakin happy with that boy!

but yeah...

around one or so, the prick picked me up and we went to the car dealership.I found a black sunfire that i really like, and we test drove it. I called my uncle so he could talk it over with ron, to see if its a decent car and if the engine is ok. The car itself was a 1999, it had 57,000 miles, a sunroof and cd player. It was nice. We ended up leaving the dealership, and i called my uncle back and he said no, but then he said dont worry and that hes got me covered... i dont really know what thats all about tho...


i ended up coming home and fiddling in my room, listening to music, and cleaning. Ashley came over at some point in the night. I ended up at Wegmands for the 3rd time, i talked to Heidi and we made plans.

I just sat round, ate dinner, got all girlie and cute, and then went out with ashley and heidi. we really didnt know what we were going to be doing, but we stoped at mt. read weggies and i bought a camera and a lotto ticket that i didnt win on. heidi won on hers tho :)

We were kinda hungry so we decided to go to denys and get some food. It was only like 10 oclock, and i just wanted to pass some time because I wanted to see Zack when he got out of work. He ended up getting out early, and was going to go home, get ready, and meet us at Denys.

We got seated and i was so freakin hyper!! Me and ashley were going to buy the sampler and the nachos, and split it. Heid still cant eat soild foods... because of her new tounge ring.

Well Chris, Heidi's ex bf ended up calling her, and she wanted to go out to the party and see him. She didnt really want us to go with her, and she wanted to leave right away, so we left a dollar on the table and walked out of dennys

it was so funny

as we were walking out, the waitress was like... oh.. your leaving... and we all just started to laugh.

Ashley and I ended up at Zacks, we all just hung out, talked, went to taco bell and ate food.</b>I had a really good time.</b>

Every time i looked at him, i smiled because i was so happy. And i was in sucha giddy mood, which made it even better. it was just am awesome feeling.

All day long i just wanted to hold him and kiss him, and thats how i ended my night. it was perfect. :)


ash and i came home around1, and went int he tent and colored. yay. we talked for a bit, and passed out.

Im just glad that things are back to normal.

well, they really arentback to normal, because they are better than before!!


ive gotta work today tho...

and i have to try and make it to Kims grad party. I hope i can go!

Tomorrow is ashleys party. yay. that should be fun!!!


and i still have that freakin song in my head...
...jynx me something crazy....


x0x0
al



Zachary Michael Sunseri
+
Alisha LeAnn Stocum
 
 
I'm feelin': silly
Rockin' to: Linkin Park
 
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alisha1687
05 August 2005 @ 04:36 pm
back and forth  


so i took sometime to look back at all of the lj entires from the last couple of days... and its funny because like everyother day, i was with zack and every other day im not.

but for the record
we are back together


im happy

hes happy


and thats all that matters

we just decided to forget about the last 2 weeks and move forward with the relationship, which is good.

and i got his hoodie/my pillow back :)


but for now, we are taking things day by day, and we are going to be totally honest with eachother... not that we werent before, but we are going to try and work on some things.


i kinda dont know what to do with my mom and maria tho, only because i think that they are going to get mad

and i dont blame them, but this is what I want. and they'll just have to accept it. so hah. lol

idk

ive got some stuff that i wanna do so im outies



oh and also for the record
laura is a nice girl, and i want us all to hang out together


x0x0
al
 
 
I'm feelin': its oooookkkk
Rockin' to: silence
 
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alisha1687
05 August 2005 @ 09:57 am
hahaha very funny  
so yesterday was mine and zacks 3 months

what a fuckin joke that was

i had the whole thing planned out

i cant even begin to explain how excited and happy i was to be able to give zack the one thing he really wanted....me

it was supposed to be perfect.
i got home, called him, but he told me that we had to talk. and thats when everything got fucked up. he straight up told me that he didnt like me and he liked laura. there id more to it, but yeah


i went to ashleys and then i came home, gathered his things, and went to his house to drop them off. i gave them to his brother. but then he called and he was crying and he said he made a huge mistake. i almost said i did too, excpet my mistake was allowing myself to love him and trust him.

he cried alot and i stayed at his house until he got home from...yeah... lauras house. he just kept begging me.... and i felt like i was dying inside.


i ended up leaving his house and we talked online for a bit, i talked to laura too. she seems like a nice girl and all, i feel bad shes involved in this, but oh well. I talked to zack for a while in the tent, ashley joined me, and then i passed out.


i just keep thinking back to how i was so freakin happy wed night when i was at the icecream place with ashley and zack. i had my best friend and my boyfirend with me. i had fallen in love wioth him all over again. he was holding me and i felt so complete. i was just happy. and it felt good.


but it only freakin lasted a night. he made me the happiest i have ever been, and then he took it all away.

he wants to work things out really bad, and a part of me does too. i just have that fear that mike will get to him again, or laura will come along and he will do it all over again. he promised me before that he liked me and only me, but then all of this shit happened, so i feel like i just cant do it. but i want to at the same time.

the other day, whenever i thought about him, i got all happy, and that feeling was so incredible. but now, i think of him and i feel sick because im so afraid. i feel like we have to start over, almost like all of my feelings for him are gone. and i just want them back. i want to go back to the other night. it was so amazing to me. i loved him, amd i was ready to show him that.

idk

im a mess. laura is confused. zack told me that he didnt want to hurt an innocent girl, and i came back with... so you hurt me? the one that you supposidly love?

talking to laura kinda helped, she kept telling me that he loved me and wanted things to be fixed. but now she has a stupid thing in her away message saying "Hun - I am always here for you no matter what your decission is . i dont want you to forget that"

and i get scared, and confused and i just dont freakin know anymore

im supposed to go to the car dealership today.... and yesterday at work i was thinking all about how me and zack could go and do so many things together....


on the phone he told me that we had to talk, but he wanted to do it in person. i kinda wonder what would have happened if i had gone over there, did the whole thing that i planned out, and how he would have told me then. i probably would have ripped the banner and cards and hit him. no joke.


im just sad because i want that feeling to be here
and it hurts because he was the one to make me feel like that and then take it away

i just dont understand why he did what he did. he kept telling me to realize that he loved me and only wanted me, that he picked me. so i finally accepted it, and then he tells me that he likes her. thats why i couldnt accept it before. i was afraid it wouldnt be true, and it wasnt, but then again it was, because according to him, he likes me and not her.


idk

its been a long night
iw as listening to matchbook romance and this song just seemed to fit



speak to me
tell me something so typical
a lullaby or something miserable
that will keep me up at night

cross out my eyes
i know you planned it
you know i love you
and i can't stand it
we just lost control


lie to me
give me something worth living for
tell me a reason worth fighting for
give me anything, anything to keep me breathing
lie to me
give me something worth living for
tell me a reason worth fighting for
give me anything, anything to keep me breathing

go lie to me
tell me stories so beautiful
an epic of something so terrible
that it makes me weep

cross out these days
on your calendar
it hurts me so much
and im not quite sure
i care anymore

lie to me
give me something worth living for
tell me a reason worth fighting for
give me anything, anything to keep me breathing
lie to me
give me something worth living for
tell me a reason worth dying for
give me anything, anything to keep me breathing


anything to keep me breathing





i wanna give up
and at the same time i dont




because i love him




....but he may love her....
 
 
I'm feelin': oh so tired of being sick
Rockin' to: matchbook romance
 
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alisha1687
04 August 2005 @ 11:03 am
no more pain  


the drama is over with. and i am glad. we decided to work things out. YAY!

i really hate myself for making the mistake of letting him go, even if it was only for a week. but now things are better. and i like him more than ever!


"...you've got this silly way of keeping me on the edge of my seat..."



the one thing that gets to me is that while we were apart, he started talking to, and if im correct, dating this other girl, Laur. I mean, not that it matters, because we were broken up, but still. It hurt to know that he could easily walk away from me and instantly be with some other girl, while i was having the worst time of my life. Each and everyday i thought about him, amd was constantly reminded of him. I guess i just needed some time to eralize that i freakin love him and if thats what it took, then im sorry, and i wish i never did that.

Im not really jealous because there was another girl, its just kinda scary. He obviously had feelings for her, and Im scared that they are still there. No matter what anyone says, I will always feel that way.

Ashley did inform me that although he's known her for 2 years and me 5 months, he likes her and LOVES me, and he picked me over her.

that sounds kinda mean. idk

i just wish i could let it all go and forget about it.

they are friends, so its ok that she calls, but im just so scared of loosing him. i dont think i could do that again.


idk

but today is our 3 MONTHS

happy three months babe
you freakin rock :)
i love you




gotta go to work soon


x0x0
al
 
 
I'm feelin': i love youuuu
Rockin' to: obie trice
 
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alisha1687
31 July 2005 @ 07:28 pm
im a mess  


the only thing that i am glad about right now is that i can admit that i am a mess.

i worked today, but i left early. i just couldnt deal with it anymore, so i left. i felt so sick after getting off the phone with zack, i was so sure that i was going to puke, but i didnt. idk why i feel that way now, its not like he makes me sick, but i make myself sick just for the fact that i know i am responsable for everything that is happening.

"...every second i'm without you im a mess..."

i know that it was my decision, but people can make wrong ones right? Everyone keeps telling me that i just need time to think, or that i will get over it, but i just dont feel that way. it just doesnt feel right.

i feel like i let the one that ive ever really loved slip away

i never really knew the real me until i met you
you saw the person that i was hiding on the inside of me
you excepted me for me, nothing more, nothing less
i could be and was myself around you
but i acted stupid
and was confused
now it may be too late
to save the one thing that ment the world to me
the one thing that i truely loved
which is you



i gotta go man, i just gotta runnnnnn


al
 
 
I'm feelin': what am i doing?
Rockin' to: staind
 
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alisha1687
31 July 2005 @ 09:58 am
sundayyyy  


Once again i have to work soon, but this time its at 11:30-6:30. But thats ok because i need the money real bad.

Last night after work Ashley came over and ate dinner with me and my mom. I got ready and Heidi came over. Me and ash got all girlie and wore our skirts, which was kinda fun. We ended up going to Keiths house and waiting for him and Sunday to get ready. We piled into the Oldsmolac and went to the Hilton Carnival.

We parked at my grandmas house, and i talked to her for a little bit. She asked who i was with, and asked where Zack was. I forgot that she didnt know about that, so i had to explain it to her. That was the first time.

We all just chilled at the carnival, walked around, ate food, played I-Got-It a couple of times, looked at boys.

I ran into Arcarasi's ex gf, nikki, and told her about Zack. That was number two.

We met up with Big Will and hung with him and his friend Joel for a bit. Those boys are great.

My soulmate Amanda was on the phone with Will, so i started to talk to her and she asked about zack. That was number three.

Dez and Jackie stoped in, that was fun, although Dez didnt want to go with me, but ended up going with Jackie. ;)

I saw krista and eric for a minute, but that was nothing big.

I ate Will's pez.


There werent many cute boys there, they were all too young. I did see kyle and i remembered back to those highschool hyears when i had a crush on him. :)

there was this one guy woth really nice eyes, and i really wanted to say something to him but i didnt. Sunday went over there and told him what i said, but that was about it.


I ended up going home before 12, and my dad telling me i was home early. hahaha.


I talked to Zack on the phone because for some reason i was thinking about him all night. I just kept seeing people or talking to people about him, and it made me really sad. He sounded really hostile and bitter on the phone, and was eager to up. It kinda hurt real bad.

Its times like these when i miss you most, remembering when we were so close.


Sometimes i wonder why i do the things i do. LIke i dont really understand myself sometimes. I just kinda do things and thats that. Idk. I just feel kinda lost and alone. I have all of Zacks hoodies and stuff, and idk what to do with them. I was going to ask him last night if he wanted them back, but he hung up so quickly.



I mean, i havent even taken down anything from him, or anything like that. I see his picture in the heart frame with the flower that he gave me and i remember how freakin happy i was that day when we were at the docks. I wish i could turn back the time and go back to that day. I freakin miss those days.

It sucks because since april break, the majority of my life was him. even though we didnt start dating until may, i was still with him all the time. and all of a sudden, im not. and its wierd, and kinda scary.


i dunno.


i get out at 6:30 tonight, and i just kinda wanna have a chill night alone. i have alot of thimgs that i wanna do, but i just cant seem to do them. for some reason, its just too hard to start.

idk i guess ill have to wait and see how i feel after work.

I have to watch the girls tomorrow, all day long, so i dont want to stay out late tonight.


im hungry and gotta go get ready for wegmans. w00t w00t.


x0x0
al


Is it worth it can you even hear me
Standing with your spotlight on me
Not enough to feed the hungry
I'm tired and I felt it for awhile now
In this sea of lonely
The taste of ink is getting old
It's four o' clock in the fucking morning
Each day gets more and more like the last day
Still I can see it coming
While I'm standing in the river drowning
This could be my chance to break out
This could be my chance to say goodbye
At last it's finally over
Couldn't take this town much longer
Being half dead wasn't what I planned to be
Now I'm ready to be free

So here I am it's in my hands
And I'll savor every moment of this
So here I am alive at last
And I'll savor every moment of this
 
 
I'm feelin': wayyy to much in my mind
Rockin' to: finch- what it is to burn
 
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alisha1687
30 July 2005 @ 11:27 am
i feel so  
i feel so blah right now

i have to go to work soon, i have a headache, chris and them are being assholes, i miss someone, and once again, i made like 5 sets of plans for tonight.

sometimes i feel i could drop off the face of the earth
it seems i do more harm than good


idk

i just wish things were the way that they were before. as much as i hate to admit it, i was happy then. and now, im just there.



oh well


haha last night i went to the bar with my mom, krista, and ashley because there was a reunion thingy for my moms friends. my mom had all of 2 drinks, and she was tipsy. it was great.

after that i stopped in at quentins with heidi and ashely, after being yelled at for not being there. chris was dicking us around all night about the so called party, we got there and there were all of 3 people there. w00t w00t. some party.

we left and went backt o our original plan of denys. us girls just hung out and talked.

i got home around 12, talked to keith, ashley and then zack. it was kinda hard to talk to him though. at the end of the conversation i told him he could call me to and he said he wasnt sure if he could do that. great. even he doesnt want to talk to me anymore.

i talked to the stallion for a bit, he was at some party and wanted me to go , but i couldnt

chris called a ton of times, and left a voice mail that i woke up to this morning. it was lovelyyyy



gotta go run to work



x0x0
al





im miserable
 
 
I'm feelin': angry
Rockin' to: tbs
 
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alisha1687
29 July 2005 @ 02:23 pm
just kidding  


so i was definitely just kidding

well

yeah

me and zack talked again

and i ended it. it had to be done. he made me choose so i did. as much as i miss it all, i think that it will be ok. friends is good. breaks are good. boys are good. alcohol is good. Life is good. friends are good. alcohol is GREAT!


in your eyes


blah blah blah

maria is leaving soon to go camping with rob the blob.
dont break my heart





im outies for now,
i gotta keep busy


x0x0
al


From the way that you acted
to the way that I felt it
It wasn't worth my time
and now it's sad cause all I missed
wasn't that good to begin with
and now that I've started you begging
saying things that you don't mean
it isn't worth my time
a line's a dime a million times
and I'm about to see all of them

Goodbye to you, goodbye to you, you're taking up my time
Goodbye to you, goodbye to you

You call my name when I wake up
to see things go your way
I'm coughing up my time
each drag's a drop of blood a grain
a minute of my life
it's all I've got just to stay down
why the fuck am I still down
I'm hoarding all that's mine
each time I let just one slip by
I'm wasting what is mine

Goodbye to you, goodbye to you, you're taking up my time
Goodbye to you,goodbye to you

My time

I'm about to see a million things
I thought I'd never see before and I
I'm about to do all of the things
I've dreamed of and
I don't even miss you at all


Goodbye to you, goodbye to you, you're taking up my time
Goodbye to you, goodbye to you
 
 
I'm feelin': bouncy
Rockin' to: the used
 
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alisha1687
28 July 2005 @ 10:45 am
Its all good in the hood  
Zack has proved to me that no matter what happens he will always be there for me in the end. because hes cool like that. and thats why i love him.

but yeahhh


yesterday i talked to ashley and zack online before work for a little bit. i guess i kinda worked things out then. i went to work, spilled my guts to the ho, which didnt really help. after work, the ho and ass leak came over and chilled while i got ready. we ended up going back to weggies, heidi got her scheduale, ashley got her pictures, which turned out all blue, and i got some baked, not fried, chips.

we drove around, picked up my shit from chris, went to the beach, got some i scream,

you can find me in st. louayyy

and waited for zack to call and tell us when the party was. Around tenish, we started to drive again.

Heidi ran a red light because she was too busy thinking about penis in her mouth.

i swear that girl is nuts.

we drove and drove and drove, cops followed us and we got away.

we got to Medinas around 10:30, and i was so freakin happy to see Zack again. we all just chilled for a little while. I took care of some girl who took 9 shots in 10 minutes. we just talked about boyfriends, and ex boyfriends for that matter.

we left at 12, ate burned popcorn on the ride home, droped ashley off, got followed by more cops because i threw the bag out the window. ooops my bad.

i ended up talking to ashley, and zack on the phone for a long time. then i called ashley c and we talked for a very long time, and just caught up with eachother.

i decided that no matter what happens, i will always love that girl. always.

i texted ash throughout the night, trying to help her out. i hope i did. :)

i finally passed out around 2, and had to get up kinda early for work.



if we go down
we go down together
best friends mean
best friends for life



x0x0
al




you make my heart smile <3
 
 
I'm feelin': everything is oookay
Rockin' to: matchbook romance
 
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